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911

By: - May 17, 2020

911

Fast Eddy lost his cellphone
On the NY subway
Oh my good gracious
Smart phone went bye bye
Birdie twitter tweat
Ain’t she sweet
Maybe not that smart
Went and got lost
Must have wandered off
Oy gevalt
Feels somewhat like
A woman without a man
Or is it a fish without a bicycle
Gosh I can never remember
Eddy tried to call
His own phone
Hoping someone will answer
Hello this is me
Can I speak to me
I’m looking for me
Do you have my friggin’ phone
Missing it wicked
Offering a finder’s fee
Cripes what a bummer
No it’s not funny
What’s my number
Now more than ever
Have to stay connected
Alone in a cluttered pad
Can you imagine
Go figure the agita
Out at risk for groceries
For now no happy hour
Hanging with friends
The neighborhood pub
Every other block
A mini community
World of its own
With all the fave
Mom and pop shops
Best places to get
This and that|
Lox at Zabar’s
Like true New Yorkers
Even from Yonkers
Just to die for
What would Joan Rivers
Say about pandemic
Carson hung up on her
Tonight show sat shiva
A million reasons
To live in Manhattan
A million more why not
This may not be the best time
To hang in the Apple
If you catch the drift
Hey Eddie if you want to talk
Call me on the land line
I guess for now
That’s about it
Let’s stay in touch
The new phones have
Better cameras
And more memory
In case they get lost
To find their way home
But Oy the cost
To say nothing of
Such a loss
Have one on me
From your hippie flask
Nip of this or that
Make it a double
For all the trouble
In the pot to
Boil and bubble
Such a kerfuffle

Postscript from Fast Eddy

GOOD NEWS - THERE IS A GOD AND FAST EDDY'S CELL PHONE WAS FOUND ON THE SUBWAY. HOWEVER, AFTER I MADE A ZILLION PHONE CALLS AND FILED 2 CLAIMS. ONE WITH T-MOBILE WHO I TOLD TO HOLD OFF BEFORE SENDING ME A REPLACEMENT CELL AS I WAS HOPING IT WOULD BE RETURNED. I KEPT CALLING MY PHONE AND FINALLY A KIND LADY SAW MY HOME NUMBER -WHICH YOU ALL NOW HAVE -AND CALLED ME. I WILL BE PICKING IT UP TOMORROW AT 10:30 AM. SHE IS A DESIGNER OF SOME KIND AND HER HUSBAND IS A MUSICIAN AND THEY LIVE IN SOHO WHICH IS A HOP, SKIP, AND A JUMP FROM MY APARTMENT. I WILL BE GIVING THEM A NICE FINDER'S FEE WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR NOT. I DO WANT TO THANK THOSE FRIENDS WHO CALLED, EMAILED, AND TEXTED ME WITH SYMPATHY AND ADVICE, AND THOSE THAT GENEROUSLY OFFERED TO SEND ME ONE OF THEIR CELL PHONES. SENDING MUCH LOVE.